band as valiant and epic as Queen really does deserve the classiest treatment when it comes to a tribute album dedicated to them. Unfortunately, San Diego’s Three One G Records felt the complete opposite, and organized the most brash assortment of musical acts to tear apart the works of Freddie Mercury and co. As the title clearly states, it is Queen As Heard Through The Meat Grinder of Three One G. Plain and simple. Yet, it is truly a masterful take on Queen’s over the top brand of ridiculous, opera-flavoured rock ‘n’ roll. Queen was never a band that could be honoured with a straight face. Some humility has to be threatened. Even back in 1992, with the huge tribute show at Wembley, the ridiculous came out to play with the likes of Guns N’ Roses and George Michael doing their thing. Now with this tribute, Queen is completely deconstructed, reconstructed and shaped into a completely different monster. What we get with this compilation is some really scary shit, and some unexpected gems.

The pride and joy of Three One G, The Blood Brothers, start the mayhem, cutting and stabbing their way through the most intense version of “Under Pressure” since “Ice Ice Baby”. Thankfully they leave in the trademark handclaps, and stick with the song’s melodies and the infamous bassline, that now makes everyone think of white rappers. Get Hustle’s take on “Another One Bites The Dust” is not worthy of accompanying Junkyard Dog down to the ring, but isn’t half as painful as the Royal Trux song it tries to resemble. “We Are The Champions” sounds effortlessly conquered by The Oath. Sounding like the band’s lifelong anthem, they seem to pour their blood, sweat and very last breath into making it sound 100% honest. GoGoGo Airheart doesn’t quite match the magic of their latest album on their cover of “Death On Two Legs (Dedicated to...)”, but still it’s nothing to be ashamed of. This song is better than most on here. Definitely the strangest track on here is “Bicycle Race” by Upsilon Acrux. Sped up in the most peculiar and damaging way, it sounds like an experimental nightmare. Sinking Body’s “Who Needs You” is met with complete industrial strength interference. Glass Candy take the drama up a notch (almost unthinkable with Queen, but yes) on “The Fairy Feller’s Master Stroke”, using unbearable vocals backed with only an electric bass. Why, oh why? Of course, you can always rely on The Locust for a good minute or so. “Flash’s Theme” is chaotic, artsy and as weird as any of their other songs.

The B-side begins with Queen’s masterpiece. Weasel Walter attacks “Bohemian Rhapsody”, and captures the beauty of the epic song by making it as ugly as fuck. Yes, it sounds exactly like how it did when you sang along to it in Wayne’s World, with a bit of off-kilter noises in the background. Fast Forward’s “Crazy Little Thing Called Love” is dynamically muffled and extremely charming, the way it should sound. The Convocation Of’s “Get Down Make Love” does a nice job of Nine Inch Nails’ “Get Down Make Love”, without all of the sexy samples. In fact, it’s pretty much stripped of any sexuality imaginable, until the missus of the band gets involved and starts moaning and getting me all hot and bothered. Bastard Noise sounds like the end of the world has arrived on “Lily of the Valley”. It’s extremely scary and should not be listened to alone. Tourettes Lautrec provide sludgy, garage sounds with the punkiest voice since Melt Banana’s YaSuKo O. to make “Killer Queen” the best performance on the album. Oddly enough, the mighty Melt Banana follow this up with a surprisingly relaxed rendition of the classic “We Will Rock You”. Melt Banana does not rock you and instead minimalize you, ending the album with the tamest song they’ve ever recorded.

Who knows what the remaining members of Queen will think of this, if they actually hear it. Who cares really? This is as close to Queen as you can get without Freddie Mercury.