Phosphorescent – I Am A Full Grown Man (I Will Lay In The Grass All Day)

I am not a full-grown man. Every morning I strike my alarm clock, brush my teeth, burn a new MP3 CD (that’s right, no iPod), and I panic. Come December the handful of people I associated with in high school will suddenly be “real” adults making real money and having real lives. Andrew’s a superb chef. Frances is a business whiz. And I feel as though I’m the only one still sitting at the rusty lunch table munching on stale pizza; I’m 16 and listening to Zeppelin on a pair of busted cans wondering what the next five years will bring.

Those years have come and gone. Since then my Jimmy Page intake has diminished significantly, and I’ve purchased a new set of headphones. Nevertheless, I find myself in a painfully similar situation. I’m currently listening to Phosphorescent on cheap speakers while eating Chinese take-out. I realize I can’t hide away in the music that kept me company in the dark corners of adolescence forever, but I’m hesitant to emerge. Aural severance would be akin to amputation, not detox, and I know better than to think I’d emerge a lovely butterfly. I am not a unique and beautiful snowflake; I’m just a person with a music collection and (what I assume to be) a healthy level of concern for the future.

Likewise, this song is not a beautiful snowflake, but it makes for a lovely human. There’s a hint of distortion amidst its playful horns. There’s dissonance and summer sun in its smile. It waltzes so we can catch our breath, blush, and play with the sand between our toes. And it puts my mind at ease. It’s silly of me to think that, simply because my circumstances are similar to what they were in high school, these next five years will therefore be a repeat of the previous ones. I don’t want to grow out of music because I think it will indicate progress or a “step in the right direction.” Seeing it typed makes it all the more ludicrous— “progressing out of music.”

Matthew Houck of Phosphorescent also has a lust for life. He is a full-grown man and will lie in the grass all day. It’s time for me to bring the lemonade and learn to be all right with joining him.

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