Do: have the constitution of a rhino

Queens of the Stone Age – Feel Good Hit of the Summer

I’m not going to go into the effect drugs have on song writing—that particular hot potato deserves a column of its own. Today I’m more concerned with songs about drugs. Perhaps this first choice is a teeny bit obvious, but has a song ever conveyed the fun of recreational drug use so well by saying virtually nothing at all? Simply by listing their narcotics of choice to a tune which grows in volume and intensity, you are brought into a world where the words “drug” and “problem” never sit adjacent to each other.

Do: take them with a friend

Lemonheads – My Drug Buddy

The phrase “drug problem” is one that Evan Dando is well acquainted with. This sweet paean to getting messed up with a friend, though, is all about how drugs can be the glue that sometimes cement a relationship. The song, from the band’s 1992 masterpiece It’s a Shame about Ray features angelic backing vocals from Juliana Hatfield. It has an innocence to it which will be familiar to anyone who has ever muttered the words, “I really love you and that’s not just the drugs talking.”

Don’t: invite this lot to your party

Grange Hill Cast – Just Say No

Songs that are anti-drug aren’t automatically inferior. There are plenty of exceptional songs that present drug-taking as desirable only if the death of friends, and simultaneously vomiting and defecating are your ideas of a good time. This? This is not that song. To those of you who aren’t English: Grange Hill was an insanely popular 1980’s soap opera set in a secondary school. Inevitably the series took on drug abuse and, alongside a plot involving heroin addiction, the cast released this, ahem, classic. Every line has about six syllables too many, it has possibly the worst rapping outside of a Limp Bizkit song, and features advice such as:

“Don’t listen to anybody else, all you’ve got to do is be yourself”

Ironically, it’s the type of world view with which the Queens of the Stone Age would wholeheartedly agree.

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