It doesn’t matter when you’re reading this: somewhere in the world, a pimply kid is turning to another pimply kid and explaining how no one understands him quite like Conor Oberst or Ben Gibbard or even that guy from My Chemical Romance. So the last thing you need, gentle reader, is 400 words of wankola about what the Mountain Goats’ “This Year” means to me. But sometimes, sometimes a man needs to vent.

In mid-August 2005, I was driving back from the coast after a day at the beach to clear my head, and my car CD player died on me in the middle of Godspeed You! Black Emperor. Forced to listen to the radio out of necessity, I was pleasantly surprised to hear a simple acoustic strum with a voice like Jeff Mangum floating overhead. I couldn’t make out a lot of the lyrics and I’ve only recently come to discover that they refer to 17-year-olds swigging spirits. The line that hit me, repeated throughout the song, was this: “I am gonna make it through this year / If it kills me.”

That was two days before being prescribed the benzodiazepines with which I almost killed myself in October.

I can’t claim that John Darnielle understands me. I don’t know him—nor does he know me. So “This Year” was definitely not written for me, and the story it tells is not my own. In all likelihood it’s not even Darnielle’s in any literal sense. Although I keep hearing The Sunset Tree described as “autobiographical,” I’m wary of the common mistake of ascribing actions and attitudes described in a song to the lyricist.

And, sure, this song didn’t actually save my life—but it soundtracks my 2005 so well, I almost wonder whether there really is some kind of universal mind in which we all share. If 2006 is anything like the one just gone, I pray that a song like “This Year” will be playing somewhere on the radio, and I will be reminded yet again that I’m not alone.

Happy New Year.

[buy stuff here]