Clerks II may be the most unnecessary sequel of the year (followed closely by Basic Instinct 2) but don’t tell Kevin Smith that. After reading an article posted by Jim Emerson on his Scanners blog, I discovered that Smith happens to be the most insecure, immature and fascist director of our generation. I write this not because I have any personal beef with Smith – I’ve watched most of his movies, have disliked nearly all of them, but harbor no grudge for the material as I do with other directors like David Lynch (although in that case it at least concerns a matter of taste rather than lack of talent). However, after reading not only what Emerson writes about him, but heading straight to the source on his self-serving online diary My Boring-Ass Life, I positively loathe the guy. So, Joel Siegel walked out on Clerks II. Maybe he did conduct himself unprofessionally, but is it any more professional to retaliate by calling his moustache a – hold on, let me check his site so I get this right – “Cum-Catcher?”

Truth be told, if half the things I’ve heard about Smith turn out to be true, he should think twice before citing others for overstepping proper conduct. For instance, I’m all about self-promotion, but when you allegedly have critics excused from the advanced screening of your film based on their past opinions surrounding your work, well, you cross a line – a line that separates the merely pompously, self-absorbed from those who enforce their doctrines with an eerie totalitarianism.

If Smith, as his accusers paint him, spends his time tracking down every piece of information written about him and personally attacks those that deride his work, then I must concur that he in fact lives a boring-ass life. Apparently that whole ending credit sequence in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back wasn’t a tongue-in-cheek joke, but a sad reality for a man who takes it upon himself to hunt down every dissident voice no matter how insignificant.

Speaking of self-promotion, I really hope he stumbles across this little article, I could really use that kind of exposure and it would give me a chance to chat with him on why dilettante independent filmmakers such as himself continually achieve success in Hollywood, when truly masterful maverick directors like David Gordon Green battle obscurity.