What sort of sacrilegious union spawned this creation?

Eeeeyaaaahhhhh! This is the kind of nightmarish vision one has in a drug-addled haze, not the product of family-oriented entertainment. Okay, maybe family oriented entertainment is a bit of an exaggeration coming from the Wayans Bros., but regardless, such a monstrosity has no place in anything remotely associated with comedy (arguably, neither do the Wayans). This vile creature represents the unholy matrimony of Baby Geniuses and White Chicks a synthesis that I could not imagine anyone requesting with much enthusiasm.

And yet, during the trailer for this that played just before The Omen (a film that paled by comparison to the revulsion and fear I felt during this) the laughter was decidedly unanimous. From what I could ascertain, beyond the supposedly inherent humor of seeing Marlon Wayans shrunk down to the size of an infant, if you’re inclined toward humor incestuous in nature and scraping the bottom of the barrel in human dignity, Little Man is right up your alley. I would love to believe that few fit such a description, but judging by the recent garbage unleashed upon an eager public, this one’s sure to be a success.

I can only hope otherwise, and for good reason. Trust me on this, I was one of the unlucky few who weathered through White Chicks in its entirety – a situation that I would rather not explain nor be forced to ever relive – and I can safely say that unless you posses a proclivity toward inflicting psychological or bodily harm upon yourself, perhaps you might want to reconsider your plans on July 14th. I implore you to heed this warning, with full knowledge that the majority of American’s will ignore, dismiss or simply refuse such counsel. And so, on opening night, some smiling asshole will no doubt smack down his hard-earned $10, butter up his tub of over-priced popcorn and settle snuggly in his cold, hard theater seat to laugh himself stupid for an hour and a half while I sit calmly at home enriching my mind with a good novel. Sound condescending? It is. And if you fully intend to squander your money on seeing Little Man in theaters, you deserve every snide, sarcastic and elitist remark I can launch at you, because only someone so asinine could find humor in material this uncultured.

Still not convinced? Perhaps a second look will seal the deal.

Pleasant dreams.