Had I attended Ice Age 2: The Meltdown like I promised myself, I would’ve been treated to a teaser trailer for the new Simpsons movie. Lucky for me I have the Internet and thus the ability to view the trailer in the privacy of my own home.

Where to begin with this one. First, I should make it clear that while I’ve severely reduced my television viewing to almost nil, I can’t seem to abandon The Simpsons. The show possesses this odd fascination that allows viewers to consume the same jokes ad nauseam without growing tired or bored. That said, I think it’s important to note the decline in quality over the last several seasons, and how this movie announcement comes at what I hope to be the tail-end of the show’s death crawl since the level of writing for the series has become so misguided and sloppy as to incite the viewer to rage rather than laughter. This requires that the most important selection of all rests on who will have writing credits for the film. As of right now, the Internet Movie Database credits the screenplay to Groening/Brooks/Simon, but I doubt there’s any guarantee that it will remain that way.

My personal suggestion is for John Swartzwelder, the mad genius responsible for most of the best moments on the show. But even a solo effort orchestrated by him could prove disastrous simply by the nature of this whole venture. Needless to say, transferring a half-hour television show to a feature length film proves to almost always be catastrophic. The Simpsons benefits from its brevity. The humor works at a certain trajectory and expanding that distance could only result in it falling short. And while episodes like Lisa’s Substitute work on a surprisingly touching emotional level, within the context of a feature length production the weight of the story as a sustained and unified whole would reduce the film to trite melodrama. However, to attempt to retain the scatterbrained logic of the show and thus remain faithful to the source material would prove pointless since it begs the question ‘why bother to adapt it at all?’ To say the least, I’m not looking upon this with much optimism.

Hopefully as the project develops and more details come into focus, things will change. No doubt, more wild speculation and unconfirmed rumors could be obtained if I wanted, but somehow sifting through the endless message board comments by rabid Simpsons’ fans in search of more closure doesn’t sound all that inviting. As for now, I will look forward to it with grudging acceptance, and await the inevitable. After all, it’s not like we didn’t know this would happen.