I recently began reading Don Delillo’s novel Libra, a beautifully written postmodern masterpiece detailing a fictionalized history of Oswald’s life leading up to the assassination of JFK. This is part of my attempt to catch up on authors I’ve previously neglected. Delillo’s been on that list for some time now.

I wanted to start with his most famous novel White Noise, however, since the books I choose to read are entirely dictated by what I find on the shelves of used bookstores for under $5 that proved impossible at this juncture. Then again, new information I’ve discovered concerning a forthcoming film adaptation of White Noise might force me to resume my search for a used copy of it or, failing that, just give in and pay the damned retail price.

This adaptation should in no way be confused with the largely unseen Michael Keaton film of the same name involving EVPs and spirits communicating from beyond the grave – a notion that many on the imdb message boards inexplicably believe will cause major consternation. I’m not terribly sure those with intentions of seeing a Micheal Keaton thriller represent the same audience as those who intend on seeing an adaptation of a Delillo novel. Then again, I’m not entirely sure who the target audience of this film is since it’s helmed and produced by Barry Sonnenfeld who bought the rights to the adaptation back in 1999 but has only just now begun the process of filming it.

Perhaps this won’t seem all that shocking to those unfamiliar with Sonnenfeld, so allow me to establish the man’s talent by presenting you with a brief history of his career. He first barreled onto the scene in 1991 with an adaptation of The Addams Family TV show, quickly following it up with an entirely necessary sequel cleverly titled Addams Family Values in 1993. In 1995 he directed what many consider the apex of his career Get Shorty, following it up with his biggest success Men in Black one year later. In 1999, right around the time he would have been purchasing White Noise he finished up Wild Wild West, that’s right! WILD WILD WEST!!!! The new millennium saw this Renaissance man spewing forth another sequel, this time to Men in Black (what can I say, the guy loves Will Smith), as well as a comedy involving a terrorist plot on a plane called Big Trouble which was shelved for a while immediately following 9/11 for obvious reasons. His latest film, RV provided an eager public with yet another film in which Robin Williams strings together a series of inane impersonations which at some point, no doubt, must include John Wayne.

In case you couldn’t detect the sarcasm in that previous paragraph, allow me to henceforth speak candidly on the matter. Having Sonnenfeld adapt Delillo’s work is comparable to Bryan Singer adapting Proust or – god forbid – Oliver Stone adapting Pynchon. In both cases the directors share a common bond with their respective author – Stone/Pynchon and paranoia; Singer/Proust and homosexuality – but I’d wager that neither demonstrates the restraint necessary to produce a fitting adaptation of said material.

The same goes for Sonnenfeld. I’m not denying him the right to voice his undying appreciation for Delillo’s novel, just his choice to do so by filming it. He’d be better off just taking the producer credit and allow someone more fitting to direct. But given his past experience directing films, I have no choice but to question his ability to personally translate it for the screen. It’s a fair accusation. Sometimes you have to just let these things go. Accept the novel as a novel and not attempt to present your perception of it with a gaudy film version. I love books like The Master and Margarita and 62: A Model Kit but I understand that I could never orchestrate a fitting adaptation of either (although, I could think of a few directors who I could see potentially tackling the former).

No, whatever value this film offers does not differ all that much from the feeling one gets when their favorite actor gets caught up in a sordid scandal – you respect them and want nothing bad to happen to them, but deep down inside you can’t stop looking at the details of their squalid affair. The same holds true for White Noise. I almost want it to be produced under the present circumstances to confirm the fears I have expressed above. Nothing makes me feel better than being right on a prediction. Maybe he could even throw Will Smith in there. Of course, if I were wrong, I suppose that wouldn’t be that bad either. Let’s just hope that if the film does prove disastrous, it won’t exclude it from any future adaptations that may do Delillo’s writing justice. For now, I should probably just keep my damn mouth shut on the matter until I actually read White Noise for myself.