Cesare Zavattini (best known as the writer of The Bicycle Thief) famously said that it was his dream to make a ninety-minute film of the life of a man to whom nothing happens. Imagine his reaction if he were alive today to witness his dream semi-realized with Ray Romano as its subject. What cruel fate!

Yes, for those of you who still care, the film is called 95 Miles to Go and it’s a documentary that details the most mundane aspects in the life of Ray Romano during a comedy tour road trip as scenes of Romano engaging in day-to-day activities are interspersed with his standup routine (hard to say which one of those aspects is more dreadful). In all honesty, I think the idea behind it is fascinating; a documentary concerning a subject constantly locked in a state of inertia and non-action. Contemporary documentaries often attempt to find grand subjects to cover forgetting that often times the most profound of truths lie in the most ordinary of places. I’ve often admired films that linger on those non-moments that do nothing to propel the narrative. At times those pauses contain more potential for revelation than all the contrived dramatically staged events in the world.

But why must the subject of this cinematic ennui be Ray Romano? Ray Romano, the comedian who starred in the third least funny sitcom of all time. While I could feasibly understand how such a premise would work I cannot accept it under these terms. Judging from even the film’s 76-minute runtime apparently whittled down from nearly 300 hours of footage, I can’t imagine even the diehard Everybody Loves Raymond fans (of which, regrettably, there are many) sitting through this one.

For me, when I think of Ray Romano I recall a recent misadventure that led me straight into the depths of an Iowan Super-K. As I rummaged through the isles of creepy Jesus candleholders and tacky framed reprints of Van Gough an annoying voice unrelentingly pursued me via the loudspeaker, hocking merchandise and, consequently from the dull timbre of it that echoed a sort of choir of the damned, sending chills down my spine. At the time all I could think was ‘K-mart must really be struggling if they can’t even find a pleasant voice for their in-store advertisements.’ It wasn’t until later that I identified it as the voice of Ray Romano. Seeing as this is the most intriguing thing that comes to mind when I think of Mr. Romano it suggests that Tom Caltabiano (the documentary’s director) may want to want to reconsider the title of his film. Here’s a suggestion: 76 Minutes to Go.