t may be depressing to admit, but the basic premise of Nimród Antal’s Vacancy should have had box-office gold written all over it. In this age of sequels, remakes, and recycled ideas, where most films have the audacity to steal from merely one movie (see Disturbia), Vacancy corners no less than three well-established horror markets in its attempt to target as many midnight moviegoers as possible. I can imagine screenwriter Mark L. Smith (sorry kids, not Mark E. Smith) pitching his script as “Texas Chainsaw Massacre meets Hostel meets Psycho” before being heralded by the studio bigwigs as the next golden boy of American cinema.

And while Vacancy does employ backwoods maniacs, violent flesh fetishes, and a voyeuristic motel manager (played by a suitably over-the-top Frank Whaley), the film is unable to elicit the kind of terror and suspense we might expect from a Sci-Fi Channel Original Movie, let alone the classics listed above. As it turned out, the best thing Vacancy had going for it was its woefully unoriginal setup.

A large portion of the blame for the film’s lack of tension falls on Luke Wilson and Kate Beckinsale as the unhappy couple, David and Amy Fox. Wilson’s character is too arrogant and humorless to root for, and yet too full of that easy-going Wilson brother charm to root against. Meanwhile, as Beckinsale’s Amy pops Lunestas throughout the entire movie, her bored, sleepy haze becomes increasingly contagious to the audience. In fact, both characters are strikingly unhappy for a film that has about as much depth as a ‘90s teen-slasher flick.


The real trouble is that, emotionally, David and Amy are played with unflinching realism, and yet they do all the completely idiotic things (“Don’t open that door! Don’t stop at that creepy gas station!”) required of them by the kind of predictable horror movie that Vacancy resigns itself to be. Everyone’s just going through the motions, so when David and Amy do finally stop at that creepy gas station, the audience couldn’t care less whether they’re greeted by Captain Spaulding or Ethan Embry (sadly, it’s Ethan Embry).

Eventually, the travelers’ car breaks down and they’re forced to stay at the Bates Motel Lite where David discovers that the room’s entire video library is comprised of ultra-low budget horror flicks…or not? If you’ve seen even a 20-second TV spot for Vacancy, then you know what happens next: David and Amy discover that they’re about to be victims of a snuff film, a bunch of pointless hiding and chasing ensues, and then finally they either make it out alive or they don’t. End credits, thanks for your 8 bucks, suckers.

It’s a shame that Wilson and Beckinsale fail to invite much empathy from the audience because it looks as if the filmmakers blew their entire budget on bagging the two A-list stars. Antal orchestrates few if any sequences that really stand to astound the audience (though there is an underground tunnel chase through rats and bones that is sort of nice). Nevertheless, many critics have praised Vacancy for eschewing the overemphasis on blood and guts utilized by today’s trendier horror auteurs. And it is admirable to see a film that tries to scare you the old-fashioned way with a richly developed setting, effective pacing, and the sort of originality and unpredictability that speaks to our fear of the unknown. But unfortunately, Vacancy isn’t that kind of movie either.

Vacancy is currently in wide release.