ulian Cope – Hanging out and Hung Up on the Line

This rumoured madman lets out an elongated and amplified unpleasant ‘having a big shit’ type ughn (0.06) on this excellent pop Stooges romp from the incredibly diverse Peggy Suicide. As with many Rock ughn’s, this one precedes a tasty guitar part. Don’t be fooled this is not an ‘I A WAR’ grunt. It has a kind of primitive exhalation of energy vibe to it (but not in a club wielding caveman style). Why? Its context and timing is undeniably Rock but the sound is decidedly unmasculine and unpretentious. Julian gives the vague impression in this short ughn that it’s more to do with the lost druidic art of the transfer of energy, as opposed to generating a rock man persona. There is a second grunt (0.16) which doesn’t seem to tie in with anything else, so I assume he’s just a little excited for that one.

9. Jeff Buckley – Eternal Life (Road Version)

Brace yourselves Ladies and Gentlemen, tonight Jeff Buckley will be totally lacking sensitivity and artistic torment and rock ya. I can visualise him recording the first 15 seconds of this track actually running to the mic, still playing the rhythm guitar, from the opposite end of the building like something out of a Nike ad (past the canteen, down a corridor, through an office wall) in order to deliver his impassioned ughn into the mic (0.16). It’s also possible to hear in the rest of the song that his feet are placed about a metre apart to fully display his schlong/guitar hybrid rock god penis. This is a punchy, curled lip, quick head raised to mic grunt which comes from the back of the jaw and throat area.

8. Freeway – Line ‘em Up

Freeway is the future; Jay-Z said so (“8 Miles and Runnin”), so who better to represent the new school of hip-hop ughners? For someone dropping a top ten grunt, he’s got quite a high pitch melodic flow which makes him approximate singing far better than what he wants to do, which is snarl. Nonetheless, Freeway comes across like a less frantic, more coherent ODB, and the end of each line of the chorus gives him a chance to drop an unexpectedly heavily exaggerated ughn. He’s all about the rise and fall flow, peppering it with exclamations, growls and great emphases. An excellent vocalist, I’m desperate to hear his second (I can never get use to saying sophomore being from the UK) LP, he just needs to start rhyming about more than the Muslim/thug dichotomy.

7. Neneh Cherry - Kootchi

Proof, if ever it was needed, that Neneh Cherry is a right saucy mare, even with the daft title and even more ludicrous chorus (“All I wanna do Is Kootchi koo with you” X4). Despite this, there is still an unmistakeable air of sex. In these modern times of scantily clad maidens draping themselves over faded pop stars or playing in big puddles with other scrubbers, a lot of songs that are about, and are generally accepted to be, sexy are not at all (Prince “Slow Love” being a great exception that comes to mind). The slow, swaying persuasive guitars back her groaning enticements and whilst the pace remains the same, the heat is most definitely rising towards the climax. Now there will be those who will claim that this example (1.11) is actually a huh, but repeated listens under soft candlelight (either by yourself or in company) will, I believe, prove my theory.

6. A-Ha – The Sun Always Shines on TV

“How Not To Do It” by Morten Harket, aged 24. What better way to show everyone you have a big set of balls (well, there is a more obvious way…) and that ‘this ain’t no silly little pop song’ than to give off a mighty rock roar during a piddly widdly fake epic synth rock anthem? (1.33). Morten makes arses out of us all by avoiding the obvious and letting it rip during the crushing NIN like electro intro. Instead, he waits as a higher keyboard melody comes to the fore and lashes out like a Pop Cobra with a mighty huhn. Utterly unconvincing, we all know Morten Harket is a wanksta.

5. R.E.M. – Ignoreland

I had intended to give Stipe a good dissing for attempting to be a bit rowdy with this, I mistakenly believed, toothless vague political rant, but I’ve been humbled and I take it all back. Upon re-investigation it appears that R.E.M. are punk as fuck (who’d a thunk it?). Amongst the political commentary and blah about the government “undermining social democratic” something or other they pop some swearing in to show they’re really pissed. There is a “bastards” in the first line, how’d I miss that all these years? There’s a “my skinny ass” later in the song and then I came across the following phenomenal line

“I'm just profoundly frustrated by all this.
So, fuck you, man. Fuck ‘em”

How have I missed all this for 11 years? I’m well impressed by the fact they sneaked this bad language on here, and even more impressed that it’s in the majority of respectable musical households. Oh, they all chip in on a big huhn (1.21) which isn’t really necessary at all.

4. Fantomas – Page 15 [22 Frames]

Fantomas’ eponymous debut is just an incredible LP, and my initial dismissal of it as “a piece of stupid ol’ shit” is further proof of my unreliability as a barometer of good music. Patton gives a cartoon style Rollins huhn (1.19) amongst a background of broken Warp Records bleepery. And then he spends the whole of Fantomas making every other noise you can think of, so feel free to use him for your top ten waahakakaakas! if you want.

3. Public Enemy – Move!

Chuck D is the king of huhns. Don’t believe the hype when they say “oh, but what about James Brown…he must be the best because they all sample him” because that’s bullshit. Brown’s grunt is a prop, a gimmick, a stupid affectation like a shitty comedian’s catchphrase. But with Chuck, it’s like when a school master will tap his pen on the board to reinforce a point or throw a blackboard rubber at you to get your attention. “Move!” is an old school Bomb Squad sounding track; remember when hip-hop used to sound this urgent and alive? He drops his classic huhn (2.03) in between the words “constituted” and “prostituted”. Note to self: I wish he would do a 50 Cent diss.

2. Chumbawamba - Ugh Your Ugly Houses

Aha! I know the title says it’s “Ugh”, but the third “Ugh” of the loop is definitely a harsher sounding ughn. This young lady on grunts is (literally) at pains to tell you how repugnant your houses really are. Apart from this I’d just like to take this opportunity to say they’re a highly underrated group with a good grip of melodies and occasionally shaky rhetoric.

1. Paul Weller - Uh Huh Oh Yeh

As a rule, I’m normally quite vocal about my dislike for Paul Weller- I don’t like The Jam either. The only stuff I have, apart from this, are the Brendan Lynch instrumental-dubbed-to-buggery mixes and that amazing Portishead remix of “Wild Wood”. But this single showed incredible promise for a rejuvenated solo career with its funky (slightly) fuzz bass, cheery springy guitar and drum rolls. The huhn? Well, the thing about Weller is that he’s always so earnest about rock, yet peddles his pedestrian wares like he’s some minor deity above criticism. Paul slips his little huhn (2.14) in during the unbeatable drum and bleeps break to let us know he’s feeling this track.

Note: James Brown and Zach de la Rocha have been omitted from this list purposefully to give others a chance.