e the first on your block with your homemade Screw Tape; you'll have bragging rights when it all blows up. So sit down with some sizzurp and the filesharing program of your choice and enjoy.

1. Choose Me - David Banner/Michael Watts

I think I’ve said all I can say about this song already, so I’ll leave it at this: I have never heard a song make a trip down a three-lane highway feel as epic as "Choose Me" does.

2. Tell Me Something Good - UGK and Art of Noise/DJ Screw

This track was made to be screwed and chopped. The in-depth descriptions of a cuckolded boyfriend discovering remnants of others' passion on his special lady friend give new meaning to the phrase "Moments In Love."

3. Sippin’ Codeine - Big Moe/DJ Screw

Every musical movement needs a song like this, you know, to let people know what’s up. It’s Big Moe, he’s never been a ho, he’s slowed down, and he’s telling you all about the Screwed Up Click: where they’re from, what they do, how it’s going down, and who should give big ups to the Southside of that H-Town. If you took a course on Screw at your local college, this track would be the subject of your first midterm

4. Servin a Deuce - 20-2-Life/DJ Screw

A typical song about a hustler’s daily grind, and it’s the typical subject matter that magnifies the effect of the screw and chop. The braggadocio of the original vocals is gone, replaced with a low mournful lament of life in the struggle.

5. Take It Off - UGK/ Michael Watts

This song’s claim to fame is using the lines "Real girls get down on the flo' on the flo'/ Like a real live money makin' pro," which of course provided the hook for Mr. Banner’s break-out single "Like a Pimp." That certainly isn’t all it has going for it though, since Bun B and Pimp C are two of the best rappers in the Dirty South. I think the version I have is a leak, because after the first verse Michael Watts comes in to instruct the listener that if "y’all niggas wanna get the real shit… (713) 709 2705 playa." That’s some DIY shit right there.

6. Live By Yo’ Rep - Three-Six Mafia/ DJ Screw

The first screwed and chopped song I ever heard, and I’ll never forget it. Remember the first time you heard “Stairway to Heaven?” It’s kind of like that.

7. Peaches and Cream - Boss Hogg, Chamillionaire, and ESG/Swisha House

The greeziest beat ever. If one could ever use the words "squelching bass" to describe a sound, this is it. It’s one of the few danceable screwed up trax I’ve heard, and that alone earns it a place in my top ten.

8. I Can Do That - Lil’ Flip/Run C and Michael Watts

Released sometime around 2000, I thought this screw and chop of "I Can Do That” would lead to a new wave of screwed track. The first verse is relatively clean, but by the last verse the lyrics are so chopped up they’re unintelligible. To be fair, this song is just a worse version of another screwed and chopped song by Lil Flip, but I only know that song as "Audio-06.mp3," so I don’t think it’s eligible for a top ten.

9. No Way Out - Al-D/DJ Screw

It’s a pretty hot track, the beat floats by and I start to relax, but then all of a sudden these ominous horns come in and Al-D comes in to tell you all about his ghetto existential dilemma. The man is lost, and he knows that the only place he’s going to be found is in a grave or in the penitentiary.

10. House of Jealous Lovers - The Rapture/John Brandt

That's right haters, I was the first person to screw and chop an indie rock track.