(probably) fictional conversation overhead between Lindsay Lohan and Nicole Richie about the movie Bobby.




The setting: Inside a locked bathroom stall at Hyde Nightclub, West Hollywood.

Nicole Richie: Oh my god, Lindsay, I just saw Bobby and it was like the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen.

Lindsay Lohan: Bobby? Is that the new club on La Cienega? I love that place. It’s so hot right now.

NR: No, it’s a movie about Bobby Kennedy. You were in it.

LL: I was?

NR: …

LL: Oh, yeah…now I sorta remember…

NR: Speaking of which….

[The two girls laugh loudly and loud snorting noises are heard.]

NR: Now I feel better… Whoo…anyway…what was it like working with Emilio?

LL: Emilio!!!!!

NR: Emilio!!! Ducks fly together!!!

LL: Um…it was like totally whatever, the whole time we were shooting he had this strange mustache…he looked like a gay porn star.

NR: Ewww…gay porn stars are gross. Whatever, he was married to Demi Moore in the movie. I thought she looked so hot playing that washed-up singer.

LL: Yeah, she’s like totally hot. When I’m her age, I totally hope I look like that. I guess that’s what plastic surgery’s for.

[The two girls laugh and more loud snorting noises are heard]

NR: Yeah…plastic surgery rules….speaking of which…how hot did Heather Graham look in the movie when she was screwing William H. Macy?

[More laughing. More snorting. Someone starts pounding loudly on the bathroom door.]

NR: Shut the fuck up!!! We’re famous!! So Lindz, what made you want to do Bobby in the first place?

LL: I dunno…my agent said it would give me credibility...but I only did it to get close to Ashton Kutcher…he’s so hot.

NR: Yeah…he was the best part of the movie. He was so funny as an acid dealer.

LL: You know who wasn’t funny though? Sharon Stone. Her part was sad.

NR: She was supposed to be a transvestite right?

LL: She wasn’t supposed to be a tranny! Eww… and don’t say that about Sharon…she’s like totally a hero of mine.

NR: You’re right. I’m sorry. She’s awesome. Have you seen Sliver? It’s like totally classic cinema.

NR: Who cares, tell me about what was it like acting with Elijah Wood like? Is he gay?

LL: I’m not sure. To be honest, I was too busy trying to hook up with Christian Slater. He’s so cute.

NR: Is that Jack Nicholson’s son?

LL: I think so.

NR: But you know what I thought was so cool about the movie?

LL: Getting to see celebrities in every scene? Oh my god, it was so cool, it was like going to the movies and being at Hyde the whole time.

NR: No, I was gonna’ say that it really moved me. It was like totally historical and stuff.

LL: Really? Like how?

NR: Well, it was about Bobby Kennedy.

LL: Oh, the hot dead guy.

NR: Yeah, the movie made me think that there were all these parallels between our time and the 60s.

LL: Really? That’s so deep.

NR: Yeah, because—you know—it’s like times are tough for a lot of people, there is still all this racism and then there’s the war, which totally seems like Vietnam all over again?

LL: But I’m not gonna’ have to get married to Elijah Wood to save him from the war? Am I? Ew…

NR: No, Lindsay. It’s not like that anymore. Now all you have to do to support the troops is go shopping. Shit, I think we might be doing it right now.